Hey folks, long time no talk, eh? How have y'all been? Good? Not good? I hope you've been better than I have. I've decided it's about time to fill you guys in on why I've been so inactive. First of all though, I'd like to apologize. I know I gave a heads up that updates and submissions would be more sparse because of my senior year, but I didn't think it would be this
I'm about to go on a lengthy explanation here so feel free to skip to the bottom for a shorter summary.
So, the main reason for me rarely submitting anything is lack of motivation. It's not only affected my art muse, it's affected my whole life in general. It's kind of hard to explain, but I'll do my best. I have very little drive to do anything productive or non-productive. For example sometimes I just sit there, not because I feel lazy, but because I can't find a good enough reason to do anything
. I can't even find motivation to veg on the computer or watch TV. I hardly doodle anymore, not even absentmindedly while taking notes or anything. I used to do that all the time.
has also had an effect on my social life, more online than in real life since I'm forced to socialize with my friends at school everyday. It literally takes NO EFFORT to click the skype icon to log on, yet I also find myself avoiding it like the plague. The same with replying to comments. I want to talk to talk to you, I really do. I'm so sorry if I've come off as an asshole or unapproachable because of this. For those of you I used to regularly talk to on skype, I am an asshole for neglecting you. Feel free to throw snowballs at me or something. I deserve it.
Right now my life is anything but stressful. My semester is a breeze and super boring, and my college applications are done. I have no idea why I feel like I've fallen into a pit and can't get back out again. I know for sure I was having a hard time during Christmas and the New Year, but I thought I was pulling myself out of that rut. I guess not. Don't get me wrong, I'm a lot more happy and content with my life right now. I've been working on staying positive and I don't not enjoy living, it's just that I feel my life has become so mundane and worthless. I suppose worthless isn't the right word, but I can't think of anything else. This whole thing is a bad explanation, but what can ya do.
All in all, I've just been feeling like I'm just living. I'm not living
. Yanno? Get up, go to school, work, sleep, rinse and repeat. There's no reason for me to be doing anything more. But I suppose if someone needed a solid reason for doing something then not many things would get done. You just gotta get up and go, yeah? I think this song
accurately describes what I'm feeling. I love Sons of Maxwell <3
So that's what I've been up to. I spend most of my free time thinking about things I should be doing and watching gaming videos on YouTube. What have I missed with you guys?